I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
