Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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