Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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