If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
