I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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