he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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