Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
