meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
