When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
