I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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