And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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