I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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