The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
