what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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