I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
