We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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