Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You ruined the universe
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
