Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
