Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
