Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
