Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Couch. On fire.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
