This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
