I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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