it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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