I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
