i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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