Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
