@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
