That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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