Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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