yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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