You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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