i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize