Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I got inside last night via doggy door
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
