Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
