weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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