doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
