You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
