Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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