I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
