Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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