Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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