A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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