she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
