He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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