You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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