oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
