so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
