i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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