I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
operation harelip BJ is a go
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
