I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
