i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just cropdusted the office
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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