we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
