I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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