turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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