is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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