Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
