Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
