the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
