i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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