it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
