1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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