WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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