Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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