all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
