We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize